Sunday, February 21, 2010

Syrup suckers invite

The Colbert Report

The SWEETEST arrival must be satirist Stephen Colbert, who has been filming two of his shows The Colbert Report (on the Comedy Network), in the downtown area (see here). Lampooning Canadians for months about our hoggish ways, he's interviewed Michael Buble and cheered his Olympic speed skating team from the bleachers. Calling us "syrup-suckers", "ice-holes" and "Saskatche-whiners" for months, he was welcomed with cheers by his beaver lovin' northern cousins.

"We'll bring snow because I don't think Vancouver has any..."

Staying true to character as a right-wing nut bar Republican, he has helped raise $300,000 when the U.S. speed skating team lost it's Dutch sponsor (wow, they had Dutch sponsors? They really love their sport), and added a great deal of exposure to the event which is usually overshadowed by the more glamorous events. The U.S. curling team has also been featured on his show (watch here, for Canucks), Bobsledding and skeleton where he wore a red condom outfit, and of course his hilarious race against speed demon Shani Davis on his late night show where he earned his place as their "assistant sport psychologist" for the U.S. Olympic speed skating team.

The "ice-holes", City of Richmond responded with a tongue and cheek letter of equal condescending wit, extending an olive branch by inviting him to Vancouver as their "oval ombudsman". Written by Ted Townsend, he began the letter with "Dear cousin"... here are some of his exerts in the letter.

"As a proud syrup sucker, I am saddened that you would cast aspersions on Canadians as part of your otherwise laudable quest to assist the cash-strapped American speedskating team."

"We have always welcomed our friends from south of the border with open arms (well, except in 1812). In fact we've always fondly considered you as our American 'cousins' and politely tolerated you, even when you were in an imperialistic mood."

"You might have noticed that us syrup-suckers are big on rules and regulating things; that's how we got universal public medicare,"

"We suggest you start the training for your new position now. A good start would be to acclimatize yourself by drinking at least one litre (oops, sorry, make that a quart, I forgot that you Americans don't do metric) of radiator antifreeze fluid per day."

Signed as "Chief syrup sucker" Townsend included a pink tuque with the letter as part of his uniform during the games.
Bring it on!